full of colour`

today was my first day at the day care centre. it was really enriching yet quite depressing at the same time. i mean most of them knew that they were going to die yet they (well most) seemed so happy and cheerful, i guess maybe they knew since they were going to die might as well spend the rest of their days happily.

anyway i spent an hour talking to this 50 plus year old guy this morning and i felt so sad for him i wanted to cry, but i was holding back my tears cuz i mean come on, this guy's so brave and he isnt even crying or complaining about anything, how could i possibly cry in front of him. he really looked pretty healthy but he has a cancerous growth at the back of his brain. he told me about how he grew up, his army days, how he became partially deaf, his work, his family, his terribly disobedient 15-year-old son, and his filial 17-year-old daughter. it's really so sad, i mean his kids are so young.. he was telling me how he attempted suicide a few times cuz he felt so useless. i felt like giving him a big hug and tell him everything was okay, but i felt so helpless. cuz i mean he knew his time was going to be up soon anyway.. he was thanking me profusely saying how brave i was to go there and spend time with people like him. but i didnt feel like i had done anything extraordinary, i was just spending time chitchatting with him (them), and i feel helpless cuz i know other than keeping them company, there is nothing else i can do. but perhaps, it does make a difference to them knowing that other people do care..