there are days where you hear, see or experience things that make you dillusioned about life. today is one of those days (for me). i dont think im a very negative person, but i fear that i will one day be misleaded into really believing that the world sucks. and people suck and life sucks. i dont want to become... a cynic. it is so, sad. sometimes i feel like slapping those people and tell them to wake up and be happy and remind them that they only live life once so stop brooding, bitching, complaining and worrying so much.
in retrospect, i know i worry too much (i still do) and i think too much and i care too much. there are times where i wish i could be more agressive, more insistent, more domineering and less accomodating, less docile (like the way jeev says i am), and do all the things i really want to do. but then again i think if i were different in that way, i would scare myself. and i think i wouldnt be a very happy person knowing that any of my actions made people sad.
my head's pounding. i've been thinking too much. see, im so silly! spank me. hehe.
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